Wonderful wednesdays

I have recently read a ticked off tuesday article and thought want better way to start happy things during this blog than starting my "own " series!

Wonderful Wednesdays

1. cold...but my car started
2. kids behaved in car
3. door worked at office today
4. got lots done at the office
5. nathan stayed dry and clean again all day at daycare!
6. husband started supper at lunch in the crockpot.
7. HOT CHILI for supper!!!!
8. laundry pile smaller ( due to AWESOME NEW W/D)
9. getting control of my weeks schedule
10. I have an amazing wonderful husband that helps me get through all the bad times and celebrates with me all these good times!


Have a great day!!! :)

Trying hard

This blog has turned into a sad place for me it seems. I find myself only writing about how my day went bad! I need to find something happier to do! Maybe pick up a new hobby! There's got to be something out there that will make me a happy person again.

The day ended on a bad note! Prayers requests for your daycare lady...she has become a really good friend and today she contacted me to inform me that she can no longer watch my son. HEARTBROKEN....but totally understandable. She has found a lump in one of her breast...she is presently waiting a phone call from the doctor on when to plan surgery....I am speechless...I have no words! When I grieve or mourn any sad moment I tend to get comedic! I laughed at my moms funeral for crap sake....that how i get through things. Laughing... is that horrible or what?

To "A"....our family is thinking of you and wishing you the best in this next step the big man upstairs has given you. Stay strong....and for my sake....LAUGH!!!! Your smiling can't hurt a thing!!!


Now to you who know her...don't call her up or anything...she's got enough on her plate...Just pray for her!!! PLEASE!!!!! She has been through enough!

oh "A"...you are an inspiration!!! STAY STRONG!!!!

Another round

Well, as things have settled here since our last round of fun, we begin again.

I was reading the obits today to see that one of my great uncles dear friend, had followed in his ways and went to heaven this past weekend. I know that this seems obscene to be bummed about, however it feels sad to say goodbye. I know I wont beable to make the funeral or visitation however sad. Just seeing another person you know go "away" is hard on anyone.

Believe me I wont go into a deep depression about it, however brings back the memories of spending time with Ade and Charlie and their ROMEO group! It was always nice to see "OLD" guys smiling. I feel that runs up there right along with a baby's smile. I just don't know but old men just hit a string with me. They are all so great. Even the crabby ones, I encounter on a normal daily basis. Charlie was NOT a normal crabby guy, he was so sweet and happy all the time. The memories of him will always stay in my mind. How weird that I was thinking of him the other day and now to see him in the obits. Sad!

God Bless Charlie! Say hello to my mom and ade for me. Make sure Ade and his sister are getting along!!! Miss you Grandma Dodi!

On to some good stuff. Feeling better today than recently. I have been having horrible migraines lately and they don't seem to go away. Trying to take my meds again and see if that helps.

Off to help Thomas with another spelling exercise....2 tests down so far 100% each time!!!! Already read his book to me and did great!

why

Needing to ask why alot today. If anyone has the answer great!!
Just asking for prayers this time. Thank you.

needing to post

For the last few days I have felt the urge to post but haven't had time.
My lovely husband scared the begebees out of me last Sunday with a big 30th Bday surprise party. He did well, I had NO clue! Thank you for all you awesome friends, who on a Labor day weekend came ot my really hot house and celebrated with me. Part of the reason for my post. I love parties but I hate the feeling that I didn't get to chat with everyone....it is so hard for me. I was even having a little panic attack at the end before everyone left. Probably why people were leaving. Sorry everyone. I just get so NERVOUS!! I have always been this way.
It was a great time and I feel bad for the few of you I didn't get to chat with. Thank you also to the LOVELY friends who cleaned my basement after their kids played there.....I sent the boys down to clean to I could rest and get rid of my migraine, but they came back up screaming "its all clean mom. Lets go eat" THANK YOU!!!!

Anyways getting into our routine here with school, work and daycare. Few kinks to work out but that will come. You now me worrywort!!!

off to figure out what the dog got into now!
LOVELY!!

The best out of the worst!

Funny thing had on the way home yesterday. I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that I had the chance to rethink and revisit my thoughts for the last few years. Lately my conversation for the lack of better words stink!!!! I feel like all I can think of is that my life is crumbling before my very eyes. Couple things made me think this last weekend, as we laid Kirks Gr. E to rest, LIFE IS SHORT! and LIFE WILL THROW CHALLENGES AT YOU AND GOD WILL HELP YOU SURVIVE!

My first concern is Thomas. I want his life to be normal as much as possible. I am doing my best at seeking the best out of the worst. So the kid has problems pooping (for the last 2 years, if not more) but the best thing is he is healthy overall. Just this stubborn boy won't go poop in the tiolet, he goes in his pants. UGH!!!

Second concern: Missing mom more than ever....I need that girl advice! I NEED it!!! I would beg for that mother daughter time to chat about my problems and hers!!! It was recently brought to my attention " your mother was a SAINT compared to you" I feel horrible that that had to be said, however I am taking it as a compliment to my mother and looking at the good out a bad situation.

Third concern: My mind is slipping away with my summer!!!! Enough said!

Lesson learned: LIFE IS SHORT AND THINGS THROWN AT YOU TAKE THE BEST OUT OF THE WORST!!!!

Thank you Grandma Ev!!!!! Tell my mother hello and that she is a Saint for putting up with me!!! Oh I miss you both so very much. I need your humor now more than ever!

Nothing anymore

Well the latest forecast has come to officially 35.5 ft on Saturday! A whole foot and half lower than yesterday!

Reason alone to celebrate! Yipee!!!

Kids have been outside the last few days and going on walks and getting back in to normal spring/summer life. Kids are enjoying school and whats left of it. We haven't heard yet if St Joes will be making up that lost week of school. School Board decides and since my husband is on the school board I am hoping he is listening to me and my requests! Like that would happen! Thomas' school just got remodelled and it was completed so this week we have a new entrance and everything. New classrooms to use and it is so exciting! Everything looks so great!!! The final things in school are coming up like the school musical, kindgarten prayer service! FUN FUN FUN. I can't wait until Carter goes there next year! yeah baby!

Summer activites will be starting soon too, carter in golf, Anna in tennis, thomas in baseball and all the kidddos in swimming. We hope as a family this year to go somewhere this summer for a vacation. Any ideas? We will most likely land ourselves at Buffalo any chance we get!

Enjoying the spring weather and getting used to the idea of life being back to normal. Construction will start soon on the basement and life will be great!

Going to enjoy tax day today with a trip to Dairy Queen for their traditional shocolate sundae giveaway!!

Off to enjoy more spring like weather.

Getting ready for round two.

Well as many of you know we just finished up with a record flood. Well at least for now, another crest is headed our way mid Apr and it has a chance of meeting that same record or even breaking that one. Too much for me to handle. There is SO much I haven't gotten done because of this flood. I just want this all to go away.
March 21st was my moms 4 year anniversary of her passing and I am very upset I didn't get out to her gravesite. Luckily for me my excuse is she is surrounded by water. I hope to get out there before the next crest. Maybe tomorrow or Monday afternoon.
Kirk and I are getting everything situated in the basement. Things up and thrown out. Let me tell you not much is going back down. It has always felt crowded down there and now is my chance to thin things out! We are getting new flooring and getting two rooms redone. Hopefully a new shower too. We will see, it all depends on insurance. Helps when I work in that field! YAHOOIE!!

The thrift store will love us inthe next coming weeks. Going through clothes that don't fit kids anymore. I actually have found that I LOVE getting rid of stuff. ( Kirk has done this to me, damn him!) The first week of May is clean up week where we are allowed to pretty much put anything on the curb. Luckily for us it is extended due to so many homes having damaged basements and homes. Just cleaining out my house of unwanted crap makes my heart beat better on its own. There is so much stuff we gather and collect that we dont even realize. I was telling Kirk that even though we have most things upstairs already..We still have SO much downstairs still. washer Dryer, Sofa loveseat, entertainment unit, deep freezer, air hockey table, desk, etc etc etc! It never ends!

Not that I am not grateful for all these things. I can realize quickly how I would take it all for granted. I can't imagine losing my house. I feel so much for those in our area who did. Heartwrenching! I can't begin to imagine.
Well now that it is 830pm and none of my kiddos are down, I mist go and smack some butts. Jk Nathan is using potty time as an excuse to delay bedtime and I am TOO much of a softie!

Night all!

Holding on to my thoughts

Life has been crazy but I thought I should share that I am in need of some prayers...nothing serious but prayers for calmness. Anxiety has been high lately as well as increase in nightmares.
Hopefully this all ends soon!

It all stems from a little bit of everything. "T" has an appointment on Friday and I hope the xray shows improvement, if not ...I NEED a referral for a solution.
Flood Insurance has been crazy this week as well. App after app...no complaints but just proves we are in for something this spring.
Two "SO" moved into the north side of town and that always worries me. I know more live here all the time, but the reminder that there are even more scares me. You just hold tighter to your loved ones.

I have included a favorite pic from the happiest day of my life...marrying my ROCK! I love you Kirk!

Prayers would be appreciated.
Thanks to all who read.

Getting somewhere.

Well today was the FIRST Friday in a while that I actually got some much needed housework done. Got the two bathrooms clean as well as the kitchen and laundry room. I still need to vaccuum the rooms and leave time to make supper. Tonight we are off to FF game so that will be fun for the kids.
Just a short post today as my anxiety is getting somewhere but still worrying about some stuff. Not as bad as the other day, still some there but not as much.
Hopefully after I get started on supper another 45 min walk will be in order. The kids LOVE it and the new snow will make it even more fun!

Flooded with items on my to do list.

Well since this snow and rain season has begun...so has my new venture into the flood insurance world. I have about 4-10 calls a day with the exception of today with only 1 call. It is stressful for me but I am getting somewhere now.

With flooding comes my nesting mode of getting everything in plastic containers and up off the ground. My goal is for Kirk to understand my anxiety of it all. I have lived for here all but 2 years of my 30 years of life. I remember the flood of 97 and having to walk from the pet shop to get home...NOT FUN and in NO way am I doing that with 4 kids! YIKES!!!

So going through the storage room and finally getting rid of ALOT of crap is making me feel alot better. Plenty of boxes for the thift store and trash for May clean up week...that can't come soon enough! I can't wait! There are days i wish I lived in WF that allowed you to put anything and everything on the curb!!! SO EXCITING!!! But low and behold Moorhead only gives you a one day a year! PLFF!!!!

Kirk is getting some household crap under his belt and getting that done before this flood season starts. Getting my anxiety under control knowing that if we do have to vacate the premise...we move in with the in laws. The is going to be a LONG spring!!! Things on the list that won't go away for awhile.

Hoping to see summer soon and plan all the kids activites!!!

BAD DAY

Having a HORRIBLE day....hoping things calm down...having panic attacks that only my 4 year old is calming down for me...SICK i know....Hoping to play some Chutes and Ladders today with the kids and sleep with them during naptime.

Got thoughts in my mind that won't stop....my mom, my horrible health, my visions of me at least walking the 5k for the marathon. I would HOPE I could do at least that!

I am failing miserably today and not very happy with some people today either....just a BAD day overall!!!

I got comments last night I took with a grain of salt at Thomas' school dance...many of the teachers mentioned how good I look...people I still want to lose at least 20 pounds and I feel like people think I am crazy....I am so unhealthy right now and people have no idea how horrible I feel about it...I jsut can't get out of this funk!!! It is not a horrible health/body image problem...I really need to lose at least 20 pounds...I am fearing that if I don't i will end up like my mother....6 ft under ground at too young of an age....

Attackers anonymous!

I wish there were a support group for young moms or such that have constant panics attacks. Luckily my don't effect me 24-7 but when they do it is BAD! I feel Kirk just wants to slap me sometimes. Although I KNOW he NEVER would!

I was talking with another mom the other day who kind of said the same things I was thinking. I was SO nice to talk to someone who understands. I have talked to other people who don't have anxiety and they seem to think you are a freak! Well I am not! I am totally perfectly fine. I just have issues with weird things and those THINGS change constantly. One day I can worry that when I am vaccuuming that I have missed a spot and things will grow there and take over our house. I can visualize EVERYTHING...it is freaky. Same thing with driving...I can picture accidents happening in front of me and everything that follows. newspaper headlines and the whole bit. I have gotten that under control for the most part. It luckily is usually when I am all by myself.

I also have horrible nightmares where I can wake up sweating to death, but sometimes I sleep too hard that I can't wake up from them...that is the WORST.

Hopefully today levels off as I am getting projects done and the anxiety is dipping a little.
Off to finish projects around the house and for school/work.

Crazy weeks ahead!!!

long day

At 10am, daycare called me and said something isn't right. So I took him in and figured it was just a cold or something and they would send us home. Such was NOT the case. Triage sent us to the ER, and they gave him IVs ran a bunch of tests and got him going on some inhalers. Only double his usual dose times 3!!! It helped, they took some XRAYs and it seems his lungs had a MILD case of Pneumonia. YIKES. He is doing better now but gosh I wish that kid would nap. He finally feel asleep around 11-1130 when RT came and did a treatment! LOVELY!!! Since I orignally told him at 9 when we went to bed that when he woke up it would be breakfast time and we would order him some food. At that time I did NOT know RT was coming at midnight...so needless to say we were eating breakfast after RT left and then of course we got a HUGE shot of energy. We decided it was a GREAT time to go ride the Police Car Coupe car in the playroom, and take it for about three rides or so around the WHOLE 6th floor. Needless to say it was 2am and ALL the nurses thought we were pyscho. Whats a two yr old to do at 2am!! SLEEP?? no way!
After finally falling asleep to Mighty Ducks D2, we fell asleep about 330-430ish. Lost track I think. We finally slept until RT came again at 5am to do another treatment since he was hacking so bad during that rest period. So he finally slept through that one THANKFULLY, and slept until about 730am. Had breakfast again...yogurt and orange juice, had some nasty tylenol and got order to discharge. YIPEE!! A few more laps around 6th floor, while we waited and saw the doctor again.
What a long day!!! Doing better but still have NOT napped! Hopefully he is good for Ashley tonight. Kirk and I are going to the School Board Christmas Party so it will be a good break from hospital life! More to come...I will try to load some pics of him in ER and riding his PC coupe car at 2am!!! Plus we played a good game of hide and go seek.

Wondering what he would look like....

Today is Ben's 9th birthday....the only problem I have is I can't bring his present over because I haven't seen him for almost 9years. You see Ben passed away just shy of his 3 month birthday from SIDS. It was the worst day of my life. I was completly lost. I remember his birthday as if it was yesterday. It is weird the things I remember, I was shopping at Hornbachers with my mom when I got the call that Ben's mom was ready to go the hospital! I got there as quick as possible!! We got up to her room and she got settled and everything! Grandma and Grandpa were there...excitied as ever! I still remember Grandpa almost leaving the room because the delivering was too hard on him. When Ben made his appearance I felt completely different, I know they alwasy say a child changes your life...that is true even if it isn't your son. I melted when I saw him for the first time....completely bawling and truly PROUD of mom. Could not have been prouder of that girl! Of course after snugling with Ben I melted all over again. An Amazing looking mom and baby boy!!!
Even though my time with him was VERY shortly...I think of him everyday! I visit his gravesite everytime I go see my own mothers site. Heart Breaking....I still remember his funeral...Heart wrenching. Now don't get me wrong...this isn't even my son but in many ways he was....I loved him as if he was. God how I miss his face.
I remember when I got the call...that he had passed away....God that morning I jsut did not feel right. I was with Kirk at the time at his house ( I had skipped college classes do be with him) as he was struggling with wanting to see his own daughter, who is 4 months older than Ben. I got the call we RACED to Meritcare and I BUSTED through the doors to find Ben's mom...I remember practically smashing the door open in the waiting room to just grab her!!! I was horrible for me...if it was horrible for me can you imagine how it was for her and her family. We got to hold him for quite sometime...the hospital allowed us some hair and get molds of his hands and feet! I still picture those hands and feet....so tiny yet strong. I don't remember leaving the hospital just as if I was numb....EMPTY!
I sit here today wondering what he would look like...Anna (Kirk's daughter) looks amazing to me....everytime I look at her I think Gosh....Ben would be about her size. How big would his hands and feet be...
I am left here on Earth..listening to Natalie Grant singing "Held" and it killing me inside..just wondering everyday....wondering what he would look like..............

Happy Birthday Benjamin Thomas!!
Take me Home and Love me!!!

funny day

Well my day usually starts out with Kirk dragging my butt out of bed to get in the shower and he takes care of the kids and I get ready at the door and help the kids get coats on and everything. At this time is the most stressful for both Kirk and I and I always get in the car and laugh...mainly because I am sure our neighbors either think we are pyscho or are busy calling 911. We are ALWAYS screaming at the kids to get stuff on and yelling at Nathan.."Nathan, daddy can put your stuff on you...Mommy can't do everything" When we leave the house Kirk takes Thomas to school and I take Nathan to his daycare and Carter to preschool. Lots of hauling but they love their places so it is worth it! It is ALWAYS a battle to get kids in cars cause they always want to go in daddys van. Another funny point to add...we have the same vans...just different colors. They always want to ride in Dad's van. we scream all the way to Amber's because Nathan is screaming for Daddy...even though all morning he screams for me. Carter is screaming because he isn't at school yet. The plain fact is our mornings are chaos!!!

I got home today with the kids and we shoveled the driveway and Nathan has asthma so for him to be outside in this weather is not good but he insisted we shovel...so we got almost done and said to me....Can daddy do this when he gets home??? I said sure he says to me.." I am OUT OF HERE!!!" The kids have been cracking me up lately with there comments so look forward to writing more of them.

Off to help Kirk make supper and hopefully heading to Dave's Southside tonight for Young Adult night...thank God for Ashley!

Another experience to make in the books

well today I had all three boys at the dental office. Thomas has become a pro now, already choosing his flavors of toothpaste and flouride without even needing me to go back with him. What a relief! Why you might ask....while at the same time Carter goes back and gets his cleaned. The first time he didn't need me at all to go but back he wouldn't let poor Tammie do anything to him, Mr. Silent comes out and he refuses things. So today I went back with him and he did great, didn't talk but let Tammie go crazy on him. It was hiliarious at some points because he would let her clean them all up and then start to gag!!! we couldn't stop laughing! he did great and I was very proud of him. Nathan was a WHOLE other story!!! He started out ok, he needed to be in my lap and he let her look with the mirror and clean the bottom teeth, but it came time to do the top and it is light a SWITCH WENT OFF! He wanted NOTHING to do with Tammie or Dr. C for that matter. We tried for a while but stopped to not traumatize the poor kid. Fun to say the least. Thanfully Ashley was with and that saved me! She went with Nathan to see how Thomas let everything just happen if you just sit there and listen and I think that really helped! after everyone was done, they got to go get a toothbrush and toy out of the basket! To say the least the day went a heck of alot better than thought! I will share pics when I figure out how to post those. Tomorrow night we get a date night, Thanks to Ashley again...Fargo Force game and Red Lobster!!! I can't wait!!! Yipee!!! It is much needed!!!

Until tomorrow, hopefully I will learn to post pics and let you all experience my world with three boys at a dental office, cant wait until July!!! We get to do it all over again!

Another day

Nothing exciting today. Got lots done at the office, so that is GOOD news. Still LOTS to get done while the boss is out! Yipee!!! Pretty soon we are headed to hockey practice. I have been normally dropping off Thomas with Kirk meeting us there to help coach and I drive the two little ones home ans have supper and play with them/ get housework done. However today I am going to bring them all with. I need them to burn off some energy and I want to see Thomas tonight and see any improvements that have taken place. I can't wait! The boys are usually quite rowdy at the rink and I dread it in itself but tonight I am letting them run with exceptions. Does that make any sense? Anyways off to get SOME housework done before we leave and then it will be a late night tonight with baths and dinner after practice.

Starting the new year

Well I did it! I am starting blogging where the pros go! I figure I need to journal these things out or I will forgot how my life went. Believe me I am NO expert at this and never spell anything correctly because I type too fast and don't care to proof read.
I need to let everyone know my new years resolutions do I can be held accountable! Yeah right. I have made the intentions to try eat better, and just take general better care of myself. Eating right, thinking right and maintain a good lifestyle to I can be around when my kids should be taking care of me. So far off to a slow start however I am making the goal of setting up an appt with my primary and do a complete check up. Diabetes, blood pressure, any tests that I request preferably. I need to know that I won't die before I turn 60..or 50 for that matter. I have had the nightmares return that involve my mother and I need those to GO AWAY. I need to focus on ME and MY family now, and getting myself in better condition will get me in the right steps to achieving this great feat!!!

Well off to walk on my stepper while watching the kids do Wii!